LOH YSTERPERD RALLY – SWAZILAND
13th – 15th June 2009

Please note that a DVD will be available for sale with
hundreds of great photos of this event!

It was with mounting anticipation and bubbling excitement that the first “bus” left at 7h30 from the BP Garage on William Nicol, heading out to the Rand Airport to meet the rest of the Rally Goers.  It was a beautifully clear, but decidedly chilly morning, just like a Granny Smith apple – crispy, sweet  and chilled.  On arrival at the Harvard Café, 35 shiny bikes and 64 enthusiasts were counted, 3 back-up vehicles (2 with trailers), and Andre “bikeless” Tswane and Brenda Crutchless in a Mercedes Benz! 

After diligently “caffeining” ourselves up for the long ride to the first stop at Leandra (95 kms) we started off looking ever so cool in all our leathers and winter Harley gear.  What an impressive sight it is to see so many bikes riding in formation. I just simply never tire of it, and by the look of amazement and envy on the faces of the pedestrians and passing cars, neither do they.  The mist was as thick as pea soup in some parts and the temperature plummeted drastically.  We definitely needed windscreen wipers on our visors in these sections.  All you saw were a couple of flashing orange hazard lights from the bike somewhere in front of you.  The sunglasses and visors fogged up so badly that you had to constantly wipe the visor with your left hand, hoping like hell that you did not encounter one of the numerous potholes at the same time.

A much needed loo stop was the order of the day in Leandra and the quaint little pub did not know what had hit them.  Only two toilets (one for men and one for women) and a queue of 64 people standing cross-legged outside both.  Even the flower pots were looking attractive at that stage, but we all behaved ourselves and waited our turn patiently.  Piping hot “moer” coffee was ordered once again, but downed really quickly, singeing throats when our Head Safety Officer pulled his usual prank of shouting “two minutes!”  Mounting up we eagerly headed out to Bethal (65 kms) where we were told we would get the best ‘slap chips’ on planet earth. 

This turned out to be exactly right.  Most of the salad-dodgers indulged in this truly South African delicacy, whilst a few others opted for bars of chocolate to keep the energy levels up.  From Bethal we headed out towards Ermelo (55 kms) and stopped at “The Mugg ‘n Bean” for lunch and refreshments.  After lunch it was off to Oshoek (120 kms) to the border post.  You could feel the excitement – it was now tangible!  We couldn’t wait to get there and start the party!

The infamous Border Post - what an experience that was!  It was a wonder we all eventually got through without being locked up for the night.  The “officials” on the South African side were not very helpful and there are no orderly queues whatsoever. It seems to operate on a first come, push from behind and push in, shout, push again, try to reach the counter unscathed, finally served, basis.  My repertoire of expletives has increased considerably (and a lot of us sounded like we had “Tourettes Syndrome” - I kid you not) and I learnt a lot more from irate bikers and pillions alike. 

One “official” did not fill in some registration numbers correctly and when approaching the second counter for your passport stamp – you were told unceremoniously to just go to the back of the first queue to do it all over again.  However, by this time the queues had swelled enormously, it being Saturday and all the locals trying to get back home to spend the long weekend with their family and friends.  More pushing and shoving and shouting and expletives all round, and we eventually managed to cross over to the Swazi side.  What a difference and what a pleasant experience it was there.  Order reigned supreme with the laid-back, but efficient Swazies in charge and our frazzled tempers were calmed immediately. 

Nobody could have imagined the shock that awaited us all.  One couple (Gert and Michelle van Wyk) had an unfortunate rear tyre blow-out shortly after leaving Ermelo and cartwheeled their bike into the veld.  Gert was badly shocked and bruised, but thankfully unhurt.  His pillion, Michelle, did not escape as lightly.  The bikers riding behind them stopped immediately and the back-up vehicle arrived shortly thereafter.  Some of the Ladies of Harley immediately gave comfort and support to Michelle.  Phones were ringing off the hook and calls were being made backwards and forwards.  The main pack was halted immediately and Arthur (Head Safety Officer) and Amelda (Capt of LOH and Rally Medic), rushed back to expertly sort out the problems.  They examined Michelle and took her vital signs, kept her immobile and awake until the ambulance arrived.  The paramedics placed Michelle on a backboard and took her to Carolina Hospital.

The bike (now badly damaged) was then pushed onto the trailer of the official back-up vehicle by 5 really strong bikers (the salad dodgers) and even they struggled to get it up the embankment and up the ramp onto the trailer.  This ‘emergency’ team finally joined the main pack again about two hours later.  Meanwhile we had all been grabbing as much sunshine and warmth as possible from the rays of the weak sun, lazing about on the grass by the side of the road at the petrol station.  It was decided that the entertainment for the evening would be postponed until the Sunday night because all spirits were flagging at this stage.

Once the pack had reassembled we left Oshoek and headed out towards Maguga Dam (60 kms).  The rich golden orb that was the sun minutes before was now dipping rapidly into the inky blackness of approaching night and it was getting cold again.  The deep “pop-popping” and growling mechanical sounds of the Harleys as we all changed down into lower gear before the numerous tightening bends on the mountainside gave me goose-bumps.  It was immensely satisfying. You have to be there to experience it – you simply cannot explain it!  We passed through many small rural villages with little square cement houses covered by dull tin roofs on these potholed roads.  Scantily clad children ran out to greet us happily as we slowed down to avoid the cattle and goats crossing the road at will.  A tired, but elated pack arrived at Maguga Lodge just as the lights of Magugu Lodge were switched on. 

The thatched chalets were gorgeous, the showers huge and the water pressure insanely strong.  We all took long, hot, soapy showers.  It was like a rejuvenating Spa experience.  I really could wax lyrical here for hours about the great food and the wonderful ambiance of Maguga Lodge, but I think you should rather join us on the next LOH Rally and find out for yourselves.  And then we hit the pub………..  You could see all the old “die-hards” as they were still drinking and having fun at 2 am the following morning. The newer riders were conspicuous by their absence after dinner. 

After a hearty breakfast we all went riding through the Swazi countryside to different places of interest like Piggs Peak Hotel and Casino, Ngwenya Glass Factory and various craft markets selling candles, textiles, jewellery, carved wooden ornaments and clothing.  On our return we discovered to our sheer delight that every chalet had been given a gift basket of the munchiest goodies to take home.  How cool is that? The Ladies of Harley were then treated to an adult talk for about 4 hours (with a demonstration) which raised our blood pressure and continued to intrigue the men for the rest of the Rally. We were also presented with wonderfully useful gift packs. We found it very informative and hysterically funny at times, and it caused Acute Myocardial Infarctions in others not so broadminded.  

Our Rally packs were superb and the jackets and lovely pin will be cherished by those that acquired them, and envied by everyone else. Then it was off to a scrumptious dinner and on with our own show arranged and choreographed by Amelda and other members of the committee.  This was the highlight of the Rally and many participants will remain somewhat mortified by their photographs for the rest of their lives.  There were the dancing Village Idiots (sorry – People) comprising the YMCA’s Gay Sailor, Cowboy, Red Indian, sexy but unfortunately very gay Construction Worker with his own toolkit, Biker Boy and Police Cop.  The “It’s Raining Men” cast were comprised of a very Sexy Nurse, Not So Shy Arab Emirates Air Hostess complete with black veil, a demure Pretty French Maid in fish net stockings, the busty Hugh Hefner Bunny Girl and the Smurf-like F%$#-Up Fairy with magic wand and tiara.   Arthur was superb in his mesmerizing transvestite routine and we believe that Teasers will be contacting him for a pending interview shortly.  Great fun was had by all.  Kudos to Amelda, Arthur and Elma, Pierre and Alba Delport and other willing committee members who made this an Ysterperd Rally of note.  Here’s to the next one! 

Lyn (FUF)

… and NO, my magic powers can only be used for good!